So, the FBI guy goes off to Florida to recruit a blonde girl as snake bait (total guess) – who is showing off her underwater breath-holding that she will no doubt use later in the film to save someone’s life. The FBI show up at the scene of the escape, which some news guy is putting down to Al-Qaeda, but they find a snake scale. Python Fact 2: The Royal Python can reach lengths of 30ft Turns out the massive wanker had a plan to have some large scale urban Big Game Hunting….okay…so he now has to bring his plans forward. It’s an 80ft python, so we’ll call massive wanker and his associates Team Python. We also know he’s hired some shady looking people to transport something in a lorry….something that escapes into the water supply….something that the title of the film suggests is either a boa or a python. Okay, from what I could gather with a combination of my grasp of Mafioso Italian, making bits of the plot up and reading about the actual plot on wikipedia after the film, the guy that we see at the start watching the wrestling is a massive wanker.
….oh wait, I’ve forgotten to review the middle bit of the film here. By “reminiscent of”, I mean “nothing like” other than it is set on an underground platform and one of them gets hit by a train….Python, that is. The ending is reminiscent of the Neo vs Agent Smith scene on the underground in “The Matrix”. The glorious snake effects were drawn on an Etch-a-Sketch….it is the giant snake equivalent of “Gone With the Wind”, with a tale of forbidden love from “Romeo & Juliet”, and the random comedy killings of “Shark in Venice”. The love story between two giant snakes is a story that needed to be told – a love that brings them together that eventually tears them apart. The dialogue is poetic at times, with hugely romantic delivery from all actors. I mean, it’s hardly going to be a dialogue driven film is it? Unless….īoa vs Python is a sweeping epic of sheer quality that was conspicuous by its absence from the 2004 awards ceremonies.
I think about turning it off, but think better of it. I mean, if it was in Spanish then I could follow it to a certain extent….but Italian? The only Italian I know is what I’ve picked up from watching Mafia films and listening to Sabrina albums…. It fucking appears that I’ve “acquired” a dubbed version. ….and what the fuck? Is that Italian? Yes it bloody well is. Some guy that looks like Kevin Sorbo from “Hercules” and his girlfriend are watching from ringside seats….they speak…. Python Fact 1: Though from the Boa family, Pythons are egg-layers, unlike Boas.Īfter some epically dramatic, yet inherently cheap credits that confirm that you’re in for something terrible, we’re straight into the Boa vs Python action….well, not quite, because these are masked wrestlers called Boa and Python….what a lucky coincidence. Starring: A couple of Playboy models, and some cheap actorsīoa Fact 1: Boas have two lungs, unlike other snakes
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